beatiful losers

This morning i woke up hit the button on my commputer n sat across from my girl...I Logged onto my brothers blogg spot and scrolled through the dates of bloggs closest to the release date of my incarceration.I found what i was looking for....i read it aloud to my girlfriend....you have to understand when i say my girlfriend im not just refering to another girl im passing meaningless time with...im refering to my partner in life..my other half...i mean she's been apart of me since i was a kid and she even younger...13 0r 14 i think???anyway his blogg was created july 22nd the year isn't realative but we'l say its in the past 5...to protect the guilty...anyway i wrote my brother on my last night in prison and in his blogg he recited bits from my letter....it almost broke me this morning...i would have been so much more breakable then cuz i was broken...now i can somewhat control my emotions cuz my life is well...storybook at times....i have a great job that i love,my sons here and my partner in life looks at me and i see loyalty and friendship looking back....i mean when i was vunerable it was mostly cuz i was guilty for the things i was involved in....prison gang life,street gang life,knowing the ways of men who aren't productive for our life...checking drug counts and spots .giving fake smiles in exchange for drugs and money that would be gone faster then those fake smiles...when i was there i was just so far gone i couldn't really see coming back...i used to look around my cell and say [this ain't bad i got a nice one man cell with a tv radio coffee pot even a dog..]plus i was somebody in there and my biggest fear was being a nobody when i got out...these fears were most relevent when my lil son was debating us leaving the big bad streets of the northside...he said..dad we can't leave here..we won't be anybody wherever we go but here we are somebodies...who are we i asked???you kidding dad everyone knows me by my dad..your a real gangster here..respected and therefore noone comes my way with any disrespect cuz of who my dad is and the image i'l follow and represent with pride....fuck man look how detrimental one mans actions can be on a generation not even breathig yet...he was 13 then and his friends youngest brothers were 4 or 5...and they were all down to ride..to pick up the slack..to ensure the existence of ongoing beatiful losers...