ARRIVAL part three

Before i tell more of this story about my life i want anyone reading this to understand that my writing isn't guidelined,i spell badly at times i end sentences wrong i fuck up phrases and sometimes my writings all over the place not to mention my puncuation is laughable i am only relieved you don't have to read this in my own handwriting...i write this way because thats what i do...this is me....iv'e read alot inside and out...i continue to read and learn..thats what im about im trying to evolve and writing runs in my family ...it's our gift some people tell me anyway...so anyway im just talking here.......i'l get back to the blog about my first days of prison but the point of all that is where i am now...im home with the a/c on listening to my ipod writing on my laptop...i just came home from work at a job i love and this is pretty much my life now....well actually it's much better then that but we'l talk about that later....i'l give ya a peek into the last three years since i left that life..iv'e been to the fray,blue october, coldwarkids,denguefever,the brazilian girlz,blondie,the music fests in hollywood,the casbah on clash night,catalina, santa barbara and cornodo island...i caught sharks all summer n cardiff and surfed and boogeyboarded the coast wide over...iv'e hike torrey pines and fished those coves at the lagoon...iv'e been to my nieces birthdayparty's every year since iv'e been home....i toasted many times at many resteraunts with many good people...iv'e eaten suishi twice and hated it both times...me n my brother have had many drunken nights....we played pool all across the valley from my dads to the colorado to the brass and even an irish pub at 2am drunk as hell....me n my bestfriend and girl have drinkin pints of guiness at the sod while mj sang...my son opened presents on our living room floor for christmas and his birthday and sometimes just cuz im home now...we had barbecues out back and even lil vinny showed...i golfed badly on a sunday with my brother but that ain't the point did you hear me i said i went golfing???all of these things are small compared to what im leaving out but thats personal...i will say this....i was at the beach ocean fishing with my son this summer and i hope everyone in their life gets to feel something comparable to the way i felt when my son caught 3 sandsharks in one day...we were side by side and my girlfriend shared the expirience...with us...he's still a kid and the weight of th world was lifted for a day and he smiled...he's not unusual he's just another kid who had his dad come home after missing his life due to choices i'd made....theres millions of kids who live that everyday...but on that day we were just fishing and smiling alot.....

ARRIVAL ON THE YARD part two

The bus stopped and again we were shuffled off and coralled like cows in a group...noone was acting tuff everyone looked guilty..to me thats the same look as scared cuz you know the gigs up..the prison guards are built like tanks and they start the intimidating right off..they hurried us into a place called the fishtank where you are sprayed with a lye like substance and you give 3 viles of blood they take your photos and issue your prison gear and finally feed you...theres a window to the prison yard and the lowest form of mankind was viewed by all through that window...some tuff guy prisioners would stop n stare at you as if to say just wait til your on this side of the glass punk your ass is mine...i stared back !!!I wasn't really worried about the inmates as much as never seeing the people i loved again...next i was taken to my cell in the fishtank where i'd be housed for six weeks on 24 hour 7 day a week lockdown..at the time i almost lost it..later in my prison career i'd do 2 years in the hole and it wouldn't even phase me but this was the beginning so i wasn't coping i was slowly losing my grip...when i was brought into the fish tank cell immediately i put my food flap down and surveyed the inmates coming to everyones cell offering cigarettes weed heroin stamps lighters matches ect...the first thing they wanna know is your gang affiliation so if your connected or clicked up as we said..they'd give you love meaning the prices went from 3 stamps for a smoke to like 20 smokes for a couple stamps or even a few free smokes n maybe a joint or stamps...i bought like 30 smokes for a couple stamps and sat at my little table and rolled smokes and kicked around some stories with my cellie[cellmate] and we smoked and joked nervously...my intake passed and the day came to go to the main line[the main prison housing yard] and i rolled up my stuff and was escorted down a cement path surrounded by razorwire and above every path was a cat walk where guards with shotguns and machine guns roamed intensely....i looked over at a big sign that i thought was a stopsign but it read NO WARNING SHOTS i asked one of the guards what that means and he said if you make an agressive move on a guard or another inmate we reserve the right to shoot to kill no warning shot..i waited at the gate and was cleared to go through..as i continued through it was just a pure scene of racial ignorance..mexicans piled up whites piled up and blacks everywhere...the mexicans yelled out we'l see you in side essay..i looked at them and said to myself those are the men who will end my life...i continued on and some crips said whats up cuz and a whiteboy said who you riding with partner?? i just walked into my pod and was directed to my cell and i went in threw my shit on the bed and waited for them essays...soon enough they came but i wasn't all that scared i was just hoping if they stabbed me it was done fast..and i was kinda hoping i would just die that day and it'd all be over...the shotcaller came in my cell with his troops behind him and said you alright??? i said not really man...he said heres the rules no giving blacks deals with blacks use the mexican phone the mexican toilets and showers and you can trade with the whiteboys as long as you get equal value in return..he said don't gamble if you can't pay only eat or play cards with mexicans or whites if theres no tables left throw your food away and come back and we'l feed you..he said you have to cut your hair ..shaved heads or crew cuts only...you have to wear shoes to and from the shower laced and tied no shower shoes on the yard or cardtables...incase we go to war you can't be in showershoes...he ran down the politics and motioned to his soldiers they came over with a box..they all said some words in spanish and left..he said your on thrucha[eyes[this means we are watching you for prospecting purposes of the prison gang world... he left and i opened the box..it was full of smokes soap toothpaste cards stamps coffee some weed pencils paper deodorant and matches and about 20 ramen noodle soups...i put a soup in a bowl and added hot water and rolled a smoke...i took a drag and inhaled deep ...i let the smoke out and almost fainted...adreniline was escaping now...my cellie was at work in the kitchen so i made my bed looked out my door closed it and reopened it..i looked around for anyone i could befriend real quick...i saw a guy sitting on the steps of his tier and i called him over...i said where can i get some protection??? he said "you crippin"?? i said fo-sho!!! he left and returned with a lid from a soup can and said"i'l watch for the man hurry up and put it together...county jail had taught me how to assemble a shank outta almost nothing...so i bent the metal and made sure one side was dull[to hold ] and oneside was sharp[to kill]...he said c-ya and i closed my door... i tied dental floss around the shank tied one end to the toilet handle and flushed it...[this way to retrieve it i just had to grob the floss and to flush it just cut the rope if the guards came in battleramming...next i put up a few pictures of my son and i layed down face first on my rack buried my head in my pillow and cried till i fell asleep........

ARRIVAL ON THE YARD [1st day in prison]

I was woken up at about 3.30 am. I had been in count awaiting transport to prison for my first time...i had been in county on trial and playing lawyer games for over 4 months and after trial i awaited this day...county jail is so bad that i couldn't wait to get to prison. As i said previously i was awoke at 330am and i was nervous ,sweating in fact...i viewed myself as tuff and mean when duty called but inside i have always been a sweetguy....persay..so anyhow the guard yelled james get ur ass up in 5 and transports in route...I was excited to see my homie from my click[gang] or whatever it's called these days..to us it was our team...so i rolled up my bed threw my hygeine kit in a bag grabbed my box of letters and pictures and headed down to the holding tank...the door opened and my game face was on.."watz up cuz" i said loudly to greet my homeboy slim and also to let it be known my gang status was on point...i hugged slim n we sat around n kicked war stories about our adventures in count the last 100 days plus...i asked if he had some weed and we rolled a joint out of toilettepaper wrap and told more stories[the stories take on more events that never really happened when the weed gets in your system but for the most part the stories are good...anyhow i asked slim if he'd eatin anything yet and he said he was anticipating our prison food which was said to be great considering county gives you no solid food...so around 6 they stripped us and shackled us and packed us on a bus....as we got on their were several hardened criminals from other counties and prisons starring at us as we walked down the isl'e..duece try gangsta crip over here i yelled out just to let these men know what we were about..several gang affiliations were spewed back at us and we hustled to the back and sat down and waited...the prison bus drove through the desert for a couple hours and we told and listened to many stories all the way there...the bus slowed and finally crept to a stop and the driver pointed to a destination and said[there's your new home fellas] i looked up and saw 8 towers very close to the sky..on top of each tower was a guard toting a ar17 machine gun..i looked in the middle of the towers at a compound so thick with fog that i couldn't see much...we drove into the facility and the gate closed and i was for the first time in 15 yrs of my life..SCARED i was sick to my stomach man i was really worried......to be continued....