TAPAS

Yes sir!! this here is an appetizer.Its like a preview..I've thought about the whole wedding thing and i am going to go through the events one by one..Trust me it will not bore you..Ill run you through the beers that were passed around in my hotel room across the street of where me n my bride met 17 yrs prior..Ill tell you about when i pulled up for 3 days at the beach wedding of ours i hit the parking lot and my dads Mercedes was parked in the lot and when i looked inside to see if this was his car i gazed at cases upon cases of foreign beers..All for the big day!!I had no idea my dad would be there at the hotel all weekend and our wedding would be above the hotel in a beautiful garden overlooking the ocean!! Ill tell of the adjoining shanty below however still connected to the hotel that i sat in with my dad all day into the night before...Tequila shots n Guinness on tap..Yes the day before i got married me n my dad drank n talked n praised each others journeys...Ill never forget it and the next day i married the best girl God created so you know the stories gonna be good!!! Ill be back!!!I shall finish the game!!That was a reference to one of my favorite recitals by Emilios rendition of Billie the kid telling a hypothetical story....# Guys are sitting aroun playing poker and a man runs into the room and says the worlds on fire its all going to burn and explode in just a few short hours...The first cowboy stand and says"I gotta get home n say by to my children!! The next cowboys stands and says "I gotta get to the saloon n get stinky liquored up buy 3 whores and have a hella of a time..They both look at the third cowboy still sitting and ask"what are you gonna do Billie???Well sir billy states.I shall finish the GAME!!!.....I SHALL FINISH THE GAME!!!

AMERICAN ME!!!!

When i was little i used to stand behind my big brother and hide myself from the bad guys!!!I'm not sure where or what part of the city of angels we lived in at the time..You really cant call it where we lived because mostly what i remember is different motels around the downtown area..Ive heard stories of living in Baldwin park echo park or wherever..I don't remember!!I mostly remember hiding behind mj so my moms boyfriends couldn't hurt me...I remember being scared when they my mom and her boyfriend left to go find heroin id be worried she wouldn't come back but her boyfriends would!!MJ was older then me and therefore he already had friends around the hoods of east los.. Or wherever..I would mostly watch his little friends and him playing around..trying to act tough...following the Chicano patterns set forth by our surroundings...This was our path...Mj hopped off the path early in life..I however kept it close.I remember our mom dressing us like cholos and when we would visit my uncle they'd shake their heads at our attire...One day some years later after a lengthy prison term my mom walked out of prison released on parole and i looked at her attire..khakis pendelton even a bandanna..I remember MJ being embarrassed for her but i thought she looked cool..I wanted to be like her...I wanted to be like her loser boyfriends with their two buttons buttoned and their bandanna pulled low to hide their bloodshot eyes!!I even wanted to go to prison and see what it was all about.. so anyway here i am 20 yrs later ..Moms been deceased form a overdose, ive spent chunks of my life in prisons ..my body is a canvas of prison tattoos...Mj is good he's a manager for a company somewhere in the city of angels..As for how my life turned out..Its really good..Ive been out of prison 3 yrs now.. i live in a quiet neighborhood with my beautiful new bride...I have a son who's a gentle soul..im a shipping manager at a small company...I finally hopped of the path MJ hopped off way earlier then me..I guess i had to know...to see it and live it for myself...It was part of my family part of who i am...I'M here today and I'M happy..Im not a bad guy or a tuff guy or a Chicano..I'm an American!!!

I LIVE NOWHERE EVEN CLOSE TO SNOOPDOGG!!

The other day i read an article titled DO YOU LIVE CLOSE TO SNOOP DOGG?? In fact it was more like a month ago. Anyway i read this article that was published in the SAN DIEGO READER.... After i read this article i was mad!! i paced my balcony and said to myself who the fuck does this guy think he is??? IL give a brief rundown of this guys article ... He told stories of being a now 30 something security guard in downtown San Diego and he'd recently escaped to Florida for a week or two of vacation..he stated that on the plane as soon as someone found out he was from California they asked questions like..Do you live near the beach?? do you have palm trees in your yard?? Do you live near snoop dogg?? He then proceeded to tell tales of his former affiliation with the piru bloods ..a street gang in east San Diego.. he ranted and at times glorified the old ways..the gang banging that i sensed hed watched a lot more then he'd participated in himself..these guys always talk more then they actually get involved hands on...i know the type..you usually have to take the gun from these guys hand and do the dirt yourself..then later at the roundup you here their voice the loudest telling tales of grandeur..Anyway this guy was saying that he was upset that tourists only saw the palm trees and the beaches and they never smelled the piss or liquor he smells being a downtown security officer everyday!! He continued his stories of how he was present during a murder shooting incident on which he later took the stand and held his mudd..aka he didn't snitch anyone out...he then traveled through adventures of the hoods of the big bad east side!!At one point he stated a few weeks prior to writing this article his old friend still affiliated with the bloods picked him up at his parents house one Saturday afternoon and as they left the drive way the charger they were in did two donuts and the threw up bloods and say whats up blood???hmmmmmm if id of done this while my parents are in their 50's im not sure id ever be welcome back to visit?? but lets give him the benefit of not calling him a straight up liar...or a enhancement writer...Do i believe him?? well it dosen't matter what i believe..This article was published in a popular magazine slash paper and hundreds of people read this and digested it and its over..its out there..Okay so whats my point? is there a point?? if you have read my blog you know there's a point..so here i am..hahah just kidding..but here's my point...This guy went on to say how disgusted people only saw the good parts of San Diego and were indifferent to its ghettos and unaware of the crime rate and the gang presence and the struggles of the poverty stricken badlands....and the east side he's so proud of that he never moved away from..In truth this mediocre writing if you can even call it that is really in truth a poison..yes a virus...it infects people it breeds more ignorance.. I have been all up in the mix of all that bullshit he was quick to glorify...the difference is when i tell tales of this past i once too glorified and gave so much praise to..well i try to motivate the reader to see past this bullshit and evolve!!! your city smells like piss???bring some Lysol..you see gangs everywhere ??MOVE!! you tired of poverty homeless people and unawareness??? get a new job,life,patterns...I for myself moved from the area that i gave so much to it took 10 yrs of my life and did even more damage to my son!! I don't associate with my former friends and homeboys and you'll never hear me say whats up cuzz to anyone!!! no donuts in front of my parents house and no trials of which i will be a ghetto superstar for not snitching!!! I've moved on not only from the area i supported but also in my self evolving..I've let myself go down a new path!!! And just in case your wondering...I LIVE NOWHERE EVEN CLOSE TO SNOOPDOGG!!!

UNDERSTANDING TERRA!!!

I was three months from the house!!!Thats what you say when your that close to the street!!!I was already technically paroled just waiting for paperwork and transport!!My intentions were to keep my nose clean for those three weeks and get my mind right and slide out of that place with as lil drama as i could keep at bay!! So they took me to a kind of pre-release prison to help you get ready to leave....Bad start!!! This place had just been built hence the heavy drug gang and multiple other crimes that flooded these new facilities!!!The transport delivered me to the facility with about three months til my release...I hit the tank and waited for my property...As i sat the elevator opened..i looked in and swallowed then smiled and got up.....My longtime prison crime partner who was like my brother was standing there smiling...Jose..aka snoopy aka Jason aka Joe stood there smiling...I shook my head and hugged my homeboy...He laughed and said ..We own the place...The guards the help the kitchen the laundry facility it was all ours!!!He said lets roll...I told the guard to have a guard find me when my property was ready!!Snoopy stepped in and told him send everything to TJ and nodded and the guard nodded back n looked me over then nodded..i nodded back and left!!!Snoopy said he knew i was on transport and i he arranged a bunk in his dorm...You have to remember i came directly from a very high level security to a place like this...fucking Disneyland!!!I met the fellas and said hi to a lot of guys a knew already!!!So anyhow over the next few months i basically forgot about the straight and narrow and told myself this is who you are..dont act like you dont know..dont try and be somebody you aint...you built this rep ..use it!!!So three months of dirt...we ran everything we could get away with and its just funny how soon you forget whats important to you!!!Tattooing in prison will get you three things....number 1 a trip to the hole for 30..number two your parole will be revoked...number three you get higher points and sent to higher security prisons for high points!!!So heres my situation...Snoopy was known to be one of the best freehand tattooist in the prison system..To go along with that he hadn't done a tatoo in more then six years because he too was almost done there and avoiding trying to make it to his final destination and cross the finish line..You see prison ink is earned...even the non gang related tatts..No ones gonna give you there time in any form unless you are somebody to them...somebody important to them...With me and snoopy well im the one that put him in touch with his 7 year old son he had never met...Yep i had my son call his son on three way while snoopy listened to the answers to the questions he mailed to my son to ask his osn...are you mad a t your daddy??do you know Jason??ect ect...So ya he owed me...And this was time to make it right...when i asked he put his head down on the table and didn't say anything....about an hour later he spoke...Im gonna do it for you homie...lets get everything in order and get it done!!!Im sure he put his head down and went over the consequences in his mind...Heres a guy who was 36 years old and been in adult prison since he was 13..Yes tried as an adult and been there for it all..His son was conceived way back when there were conjugal visits...Anyway we had a guard bring ink..an electric toothbrush and some sterilizing equipment needles ect...Next i rounded up my lookouts for the one or two guards who walked the straight and narrow..not all guards are for sale...some have no price...So with all the precautions taken we got down to bizz!!! snoopy rolled deodorant across my neck and placed a pattern of the fancy letters inked up and pressed the pattern on my neck..he held it there and pulled the paper away...the ink left a pattern of letters across my neck and i looked at it with a hand mirror from all angles..he nodded i nodded and i sat down in a chair..i leaned over and tilted my head..Snoopy is a hand pick tatt artist so this adds to the whole event...some guys use machines but i dealt with ogs mostly...snoopy asked if i was ready and i nodded..i clenched my teeth and his hand moved fast...i remember thinking i hope i aint being hit right now...snoopy was a close friend but thats usually who they send!! i closed my eyes and felt the needle tap my skin..tap! tap! tap!! just like Deangelo tap tap...i bled alot and it went on for 3 hours...when i opened my eyes there she was!!! TERRA!!! My niece who id yet to meet!! I carried her ever year since she was waiting to breathe..after i got her name tatted on my neck i looked at it in the mirror and smiled...i was proud!! I will always be proud!!! the beautiful life i live now...well i do it for her too!!! One day i walked over to a prison phone and called MJ collect..before we started talking he interrupted me and told me his lady was pregnant....i looked at the ground and cried...i told him im sorry i wont be home when your firstborn arrives!!!The thing is i am here now!!! i do it for her too!!!

OUR FOUNDATION IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!

I look across at just how German you look!!! I am forever intoxicated by how earthly your appearance is right now!!!Its like the lines in your face are maps of authenticity!! You wear the appearance of your country and heritage in breathtaking reality!!I see hope and belief in your eyes...someone who wants to believe and hang onto the good things!!!Its quite a observance to watch you live...I see who you are and you see me too!!! I see your eyes turn earthly colors with the days and seasons...i may be the only one who knows just how lovely these things are..there is nothing this world can offer that can make someone like you more beautiful..you make this whole thing more beautiful to witness...to feel...to see...to breathe and take in!!!to believe in!!Ive always felt this way ..wifey to be!!!I couldn't really ever see me without you!!!Its just one of those stories that can't change...it was from the first day!!!You meet that person and your life changes...you somehow change...both of you change...there's no judgment..no guilty pleas...there's no replicas...there's no regular standards either..there's chances..there's understanding and conversations from caring alone...caring alone is the thing...what i mean is there is talks and conversations that aren't rehearsed or practiced or unnerving..You have always been here..I will always feel you!!!Our friendship is timeless!!! I tell myself you'll live forever!!! You'll always be here...In some way!!This is what makes me want to live a good life!!!To care!! To give!!!You motivate me to live!!! MISS~SARITA~MI VIDA~

THE FELLAS

i WANTED TO SHARE A VERY NICE PICTURE OF THE OLD CREW AT A PARTY RECENTLY IN THE LBC!!!MY PROFILE PICTURE IS ALOT OF OLD MEMORIES!!!

THE TWO YEAR WAR!!!!

The call was made...the politics long before then rooted...the financial stability established!!!!the soldiers were well trained and disciplined..and ready!!!some of them wanted it..they embrace wars to fill the void of time...endless mindless time!!idle time maddening time...so anyhow the first soldiers got hit and died...the helicopters couldn't get them to a medic fast enough..Somewhere on the other side of the desert men were scrambled back to their living quarters where the tuned their weapons polished their boots and wrote letters!!!ranks were realized and more orders were given!!!young men were scared senseless...i saw one guys face and i knew his mind was covering as much memory as it could before it was deleted for good!!! i looked down the line and saw soldiers gearing up to kill for what they represented..what fed them..clothed them..even gave to their families in distant places..we were shuffled off the hill and rushed back to our quarters!!!I knew id be called to hit the front line because i was only 1 year and a half in!!!the captain came in and told me the plans!!then he broke down some rules of war!!!the only one i thought about was when the doors open i was to hit any race but mine...DAMN!!! These lessons were taught of why i was to refrain from to much social interaction with other races and now it was realized!! in 3d bro!!!I'm half Mexican n half white so i had brothers on both sides of this war however i ate drank and lived with my carnals so shit was about to get deep!!!i talked with my homies in sign language through our little windows and basically said shit like see ya on the front lines..n are ya scared homie???or did you talk to ur girl before shit popped or what???mindless discussion and even jokes all thru hand signs...i went back over to my cellmate slick and asked what weapons he had even though he'd shown me 30 times already!!i was nervous ..jittery...my sons face flashed...my brothers face flashed!!!i swallowed and looked down my tier at the Plexiglas booth with two way mirrors and searched for some sign??Then i heard the load speaker buzz...{all inmates report to chow hall in your pod asap without incident or you'll eat in your cells for a month..no more warnings}That broadcast might as well have said charge!!!everyone including some guards and staff knew the politics had already secured a certainty!!But sometimes shit has to play out!!!I heard the bolt release and from that point on everything was in slow motion and very unreal like!!the doors cracked and we hesitated then stepped!!! i rotated left n seen a blackface!!! i knew him so i quickly looked right...their i saw another blackface who i wasn't familiar with we emerged on each other!!!i scanned his body n saw it...he had a little bag with a rock or sumthn inside!!! i put my blade in my pocket n grabbed the belt i had in my waste line with the padlock firmly fastened to it and i wrapped it to about a foot length of belt while the padlock dangled at the end!!The guy saw my weapon and hesitated...i swung and toppled over him into 3 or 4 more guys and i was swinging wildly at this point!!! Before i could see or understand anything the guards were all over us!!!pepper spray rubber bullets..tasers and they swarmed the catwalk with real rifles..i heard the bird shot and wasn't that nervous yet!!!Then the bird shot was spent and buckshot's exited the chambers next!! i scrambled to the ground and threw my weapon fast and got in a few put downs before i was cuffed..I wants racist but at this time i had some new hate!!!we were shuffled once again like sheep kick n n screaming to our pens!!! my cellmate wasn't there..a few hours later i got a willa {kite} explaining my cellmates whereabouts..he got caught with two blades!! that's 6 years added for each blade!!!Count em 6+6+12...In war none thinks of consequences til its over...It wasn't over yet!!! this war jumped for two years!!!that means two showers a week minimal food no contact visits no yard time no nothing!!!when wars are active the guards stop bringn in drugs and the visitors cant do anything either..So what do you do???Nothing YOU wait it out!!its already been prepared for...this is the point of gangs!!army's!! soldiers!!clicks!!!what have you!!!this is the reason for mandatory workouts!!rules like no slippers on the yard ect...straight to the mattresses!!I wont bore you with two years of ins n outs of prison war but I'll leave you with the reason for the war and the blog!!the disagreement was weather or not a handball was 3 inches to the left or to the right making it either in or out depending on which homie was urs..bet you placed or team you were riding with!!!the call was made the brown side said out the blacks said in and the racial slurs rang out!!!when it was over alot of people died!!! alot of families were weakened!!!alot of bullshit for bullshit!!!do you get it???do you know this shit is going down while we eat at out with friends and sip our 24 ounce cans and smile!!!Some of us have brown pride tattoos or aztec calenders...or maybe white pride???Do we know what we represent with these tatts???do people even know what they feed???I don't have the answers but i ran up on men i had no prior problem with because of racial semi political bullshit!!!thanks for lettn me vent!!!and hopefully educate!!!