Passing the Torch....

So it begins i guess???We give our children options to help them make choices in life that will help them succeed in life....It's like certain Decades or era's though...I'm sure these memorable Era's per say have been assuring their place in time way before i can remember but for me i guess i most identify with the 80's..Funny how these kids are still wearing the Ray-ban sunglasses like it's something new & Hip...I gaze in the mirror and see the grey in my goatee that i just can't hide anymore..I used to be able to shave it closer & it barely showed a silver strand..I watch my hairline fade further & further back and my eyes have lines under them that scream out evidence of past years gone by...I mean even people who didn't like the 70's really would have had to be a part of it to really see the birth of the 80's.I have read & watched many stories of the 40,s 50,s & 60s but today i have still never seen a bigger footprint then the 80's left on our side of the world or California at least...I look around now & watch the youth steal bits of different era's & i don't really see any defining time since those crazy 80's...the 90's basically made no statement & the 2000's era is just a bunch of technology and smart phones that in the end we will come to realize is more detrimental to us then it's worth...Most everyone's kids are indoors now..When i was 10 you couldn't beg me to stay inside...Technology and our world evolving unsafe streets have made all the kids go inside...It used to be so lovely too...Outdoors all day in the summer coming home only to eat pee & get some kool-Aid...We would be picking teams for wiffle ball or choosing hot wheels and GI joes down the block at the end of the street at Edna Park...Those little kid days turned into Break-dancing day's & then the 80's past & left it's scattered identities mixed with things we read watched & heard about well throughout today...I look on Facebook & my friends are everything from Lawyers to teachers to UPS guy's......All products of the 80's....The friends or people i knew after the 80's have much different professions..Quite a few are doing Life Sentences,Dead or have heavy Addictions...Not just drug or dangerous life choice addictions but also technology addictions..My son for instance is for the most part a good boy but at 19 years old he is online either gaming or whatever it is for over 15 hours a day and identifies mostly with whatever he see's that goes Viral...this has been going on for over 10 years now with only small breaks to skate by in online high school and some community College...This generation has no identity whatsoever..I guess these days you can just get by with fronting like something your not and hope people buy it..We were building identities in the 80's with the weather it was day glow or parachute pants...Mods Preps or gang-bangers with Raiders hat's...Pretty in Pink Or Boyz in the hood!!I have been a Dad for over 20 yrs now and recently I'm a Dad again..The options will be different this time though...I feel a little intimidated by Facebook and YouTube but i feel us older new dads are becoming wiser..My new baby daughter will be outside in the Sun defining her generation i hope...I guess all Old people say their generation was the Best & for the most part I'll buy it except for everything so far after the 80's :)Hopefully our kids wont screw it up for their kids & the whole damn world end up indoors.....I was at dinner with my family the other night & the lady at the next table had 3 kids..one watched his cartoons from his Ipad the next kid played a handheld Nintendo and finally the 3rd kid was text messaging or something with his iPhone and i shook my head....Can't go to dinner and just have some conversation and good times? Naw we have to bring gadgets to raise our Kids? We have our work cutout for us don't we Boys & Girls??

The Gangster the Killer & the Dope Dealer......

One time i was at my dad's house back in 08' & my stepmother brought out a book she'd just written...a poetry book...She's brilliant on a poetic scale...Anyway i read a poem called the Gangster the killer n the Dope dealer....I knew it was about me even when she said it wasn't...even if she comments my blog which she often does i will still believe she was referring to her stepson..Yours truly....

SLIM-SHADY!!

I mostly just call him Slim....Or 4sean...Back in the day man we used to do whatever for the dollars man..We got it too..We was living that life ya know..Ended us two up in Prison doing some bids man for real...We was cell by cell up in HDSP in the hole for a long time too ..We was all we had....After a while they shipped us back to the 303 to do some more lengthy sentences..Had to render to Cesar what was Cesar's ya feel me??One time when we first went to prison we had to ride on some young cat and of course we fucked it all up man..we missed the hit dude got past us in the cell and we threw a few punches but did no real damage..We lived for that shit back then...a few months after being in the hole i got it right the next time i ran up in a cell with bad intentions...This time Slim watched from the upper tier cuz we had different free time then..Some snitch was in there & everyone was scared but i ran in play-as cell & straight threw heaters...bet that!!Wasn't long before i talked to my OGC homies back home and told them Slim was joining up..Neighborhood struggle slash prison gang-life escalated..Slim n me got our Set struck up on forearms back arms & wherever..We was proud of our Tatts on the yard..So anyhow man years passed alotta different prisons ensued and many tatts followed...We never hit a yard together in our own State but we stayed in contact..I loved it in there for awhile you know?When i left in 06 i weighed 225 & was benching 365 3 times easily...I had a N tatted over my eyebrow & 3 dots there too to rep OGC....I hit the bricks and it was sum gangster shit from jump...you can refer to older blogs here for details...I was paroled to the Nutty blocks & it was on!! I talked to slim once or twice from some crib i was selling dope from & mostly all i could offer him was an ounce or two of work :(I remember he said he wasn't with it & i thought to myself (The Pen got to my homie)I thought maybe the hommies didn't embrace him in there..So anyways how far life takes you huh??I was googling from one of my work computers at my desk &ran across a company and it's SEO's picture..It looked an awful lot like Slim..I browsed around & saw that it was him...Slim got a BA in a related field and worked hard to have a real life for himself and his family..i saw him on a TV show giving an interview about his company...I browsed harder and found his resume with Cell phone # attached..Of course i called...It was awkward a little because before we was just some little gangsters into gangster shit...I'm sure he was Leary of me too...He didn't know i had given up the gang-life and removed my facial tattoos and was married with children too..I'm a manager at the #1 prototype company in CALI too..(MY CLAIM TO FAME LOL)But all this shit matters man..We both made it...I'm so proud he didn't follow that gang bullshit lifestyle i could just cry...But i wont...Naw man i shall celebrate life...He doesn't know about the things that have happened but that's the past..I wanted to tell him how my next cellmate i roomed with for years who was from NSM a rival of our click but a true bro of mine got murdered 1 month after he paroled...Or how the lil homie Setrip got shot in the head a few years back..Or how the big homie Menace got stabbed up bad in Bueny then came to my yard and we was in a full war with 16 block that spilled onto the streets and i too was injured in the war..But you know what fuck all that..Lil Randy's doing life along with Munchies and Col-ton and allot of others...That was their choices and Slim chose a different path...He chose life..that means something man.. it's easy to give up and go back back to prison and stay in the hood life...I think Slim has some reservations about me cuz i should a done more for him but i was caught up in the that LIFE BACK THEN...intoxicated BY THAT LIFE YA KNOW SLIM?? from the pictures i have seen slim has a great family and children and job and life's different today....We got older and became responsible..hey it's better then the alternative.We could be doing life behind them walls getting more tatts gang banging well into our 60;s if we didn't get killed in the next 5 minutes or so..It's cool with me if Slim doesn't come around anymore because i know he's OK now...He don't need me anymore he's all grown up...I feel good about it..I once watched him get our hood tatted on his arm and i was smiling...Just like I'm smiling right now!!!Slim will always be my brother whether we pass the blunt back and fourth again listening to UGK or not...We had and will always have a bond that's like WHOA!!

NINE-22-11

Today i decided to write about it...Life man..you cant contain it or really plan it..It's life..And yes It scares me...It scares me some...I wrote not long ago about how life around here is waiting to breathe again and yes it's even closer...i can almost smell her...I vision 2am nights standing over Elisa's crib watching life...Few things in my life have been this good.Tommy and Sara are my best additions to what i brought to the James trilogy!!And when i say trilogy i mean our family tree...The Wolf pack joined us and we are strong today...I feel with my daughter there's new hope.....James's are an honorable bunch but maybe the unity will bring us a...hold up man I'll continue this after i pour a drink..reboot...roll-up ..YOU KNOW!!

THE CLASSIC LIFE!!

I don't think you can hide from what you truly LOVE!!I was looking in my closet the other day for some shorts appropriate for work.I took out two pair of Dickie's shorts.I asked myself are these work appropriate?? I remember when dickies represented something else to me....I re associate thing nowadays however thanks to my best friends advice...She said re associate things...That classic life will never lose it's glare for my memory though!!I'm not sure what era is most responsible but i am certain the classics mostly have deep roots!!When we were about 2 yrs old my uncle mark had a fair lane dropped on fat boys with shaved doorhandles and teardrops ...I have heard they let him cruise it in the early 70's in La Puente's yearly City Parade!!Today that car would symbolize some gangster hip hop low rider affiliation!!Same with the Dickes i guess too...But not for me..They represent the working guy like me who has Dickies in the weekly lineup.I know there's allot of people who feel the same about things.I guess for a young 40 yr old im just old school...I mean i still love Mafia movies and good taste in clothes and even Cadillacs..It pisses me off to the core that everything i love has different associations but i just had to stop and re associate things and love things for what they are to me not what they are to people who want things for different reasons...I was like 5 yrs old and MJ was probably ten..I remember having the top buttons on our shirts buttoned and and our size small slingshots on underneath with khakis on and we fit in...We were amongst friends in those clothes and my biggest fears are not being comfortable in the clothes I'm in right now...It's just changed now you know?Mostly Golf shirts and an occasional dress shirt... Mostly anyways!!I come here and talk shit about the classic days and if you feel me you do if not maybe I'll get to you later...I often revisit my past and get it out...I was at a Reggae show with my wife and son who's 18 and heard some young attractive girl who was all but throwing it at my son say something peculiar...She told my son she knew he was all gangster It makes me feel like a Monster that i was behind my son and i for once glimpsed the Gangster he reflects...Until he speaks that is...He's actually a gentle giant but like some of the old Classics he still clings to that classic life!!!I guess it's unexplainable to describe how i once wanted my son to be Marlo like...I mean you know running a crew in the North side im certain and you know really make a go at them Quiggs(North sides biggest housing projects in Denver) or something big like that.When i got out of the Joint myself however i couldn't have my son on that path man...This past week he was at dental school tours and seeking some refuge in the Navy perhaps and i couldn't be prouder...I often stop to write about how far we have evolved from our prior role models of our youth!!Before all the ratting on each other and witness protection and the Crack era and Boyz in the Hood we just had the Classic life!!!

POETRY POWER & PACIFIERS

I was asking myself the other day..could you do what he did? I want to believe I could but I'm not 100% on the question..Dad, uncle, Mom's brother...all in the same to me.There's people that either step up or don't when the times are tough.My dad stepped up and took his sister's sons in when she got into her trouble...He had a young daughter and wife of his own with a serious brain tumor but he moved over...He made room for me & Mj...So the other day I asked myself, "could you do that?" I always say I would take in any of my family's kids, should tragedy strike, but I'm not sure if I mean it...I'm not my DAD...I want to have a heart as good as his but that comes with a lot of sacrifice..That's what defines family - though Sacrifice!!My Dad could have just as well went down his sister's path for indeed it was the 70's...My birth father was already probably 4 yrs into a life sentence in some prison someplace in California's great rehabilitation process..But anyways like I was saying, my uncle took us in and tried to do what all young dads do..Little league sprinkled with a little religion on Sundays and camping trips every summer..I never bought into any of it at the time for I was one to seek Power..not real power but more of a watered down neighborhood struggle. A kind of power which I observed all over my mother...Boy when she first came home from prison on parole, even my toughest friend, Kevin, was swallowing deep when she got out of the car...Anyhow I spent way too many years of my life chasing that illusion...when I myself was in prison 15 yrs later, I even achieved some status amongst men of her world..I heard a slew of things from counselors, parole officers, judges, lawyers etc...The money isn't real, the power is liquid ...I mean like American Idol liquid...Not real Idols and definitely not real power there I'm certain..It's all liquid...So maybe false power or religion or what not are just forms of Pacifiers we use then throw out or maybe acquire new ones? The jury's still out on the matter for me..I guess when I think of my Dad having lost his young bride to that brain tumor..having been laid off of his profession a mere few years before retirement ensuing a roller coaster of events including losing his James family home, which to us was an oasis..I picture him nowadays sitting in his condo in Arizona down by the lake on the golf course and I say, "Is that what we get??" Did I struggle from almost nothing to almost something for that? Do I get out of bed for work everyday to go hit the time clock so that I too may end up in the desert 6 hours from my grand kids and sons and daughter?? I picture my dad looking at the TV guide on his flat-screen to see which ballgames coming on next...Last time I was out there to visit him a few months ago, I watched him scroll on his computer we set up so he can get more sports channels..I looked around and my Dad looked older...He sat in his chair and I asked myself could I do what he did for this???I sat back on his couch and watched time slow...I looked as he glanced at the time with no place to go..I fought emotion back as I looked over at my own beautiful wife..I put my head back, closed my eyes and reminisced on our past life..The sacrifices my Dad made for nothing more then the plight of GOOD...So today when I ask myself if I could..my answer is, I would!! I added a little rhyme for the definition of poetry as what it means to me..Poetry is more powerful then pistols, which was almost the 3rd word in the title of this blog but I felt like having a title that's up to date...Life's waiting to breathe again around here..Remember if you Believe you can achieve and be like him..I picture 20 yrs from now, me sitting in my Dad's chair on some golf course watching any game I want thanks to our vast world of technology...I picture my wife working in the garden, so maybe not the desert for us, but it makes me smile anyway...I think it's a great payoff..My Dad may not be where he wanted to be in his golden years but it could be way worse..It could be Victorville for Christ sake..Just kidding..well Kinda.

HARD WIRED!!!

On the radio i heard this talk show host say he's has to work at it to be a good person....As for me well ya i buy it....I have to work some too...It's hard at the good times and that's why i write about it..My sons graduating from high school this June and i can't go!!..My ignorant sporadic past has brought me here....About 3 days or so ago my sons mama brought me down from my cloud and reminded who i am....not what i am but who i was when i progressed.. When i left that life per say??Ya the holidays are a celebration but also time the tongue is loose...it seems if i attend my son's grad night other forces that be may have the upper hand...Talk im sure but it's about my son..it's his day...i can't taint that night...he'd be proud either way but im trying to wIn HIM over still you see??Our paths must be righteous from here on out do you understand??It's hard to sell a righteous plight with a scattered past...Anyways im exhausted..I really am...I just wanted to come here and tell you its burns me inside that my sons cap and gown will be thrown in the air but i will only see it on an email or you tube at best... But hey...you gotta give it your best im told...you know i mean what's the alternative???Letting em know who you are???Well WHO ARE YOU THEN???i LOVE MY SON....WE ARE ALMOST AT THE FINISH LINE T...AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER RACE....BUT LET'S JUST GET THROUGH THIS ONE OKAY BABY BOY???