I was asking myself the other day..could you do what he did? I want to believe I could but I'm not 100% on the question..Dad, uncle, Mom's brother...all in the same to me.There's people that either step up or don't when the times are tough.My dad stepped up and took his sister's sons in when she got into her trouble...He had a young daughter and wife of his own with a serious brain tumor but he moved over...He made room for me & Mj...So the other day I asked myself, "could you do that?" I always say I would take in any of my family's kids, should tragedy strike, but I'm not sure if I mean it...I'm not my DAD...I want to have a heart as good as his but that comes with a lot of sacrifice..That's what defines family - though Sacrifice!!My Dad could have just as well went down his sister's path for indeed it was the 70's...My birth father was already probably 4 yrs into a life sentence in some prison someplace in California's great rehabilitation process..But anyways like I was saying, my uncle took us in and tried to do what all young dads do..Little league sprinkled with a little religion on Sundays and camping trips every summer..I never bought into any of it at the time for I was one to seek Power..not real power but more of a watered down neighborhood struggle. A kind of power which I observed all over my mother...Boy when she first came home from prison on parole, even my toughest friend, Kevin, was swallowing deep when she got out of the car...Anyhow I spent way too many years of my life chasing that illusion...when I myself was in prison 15 yrs later, I even achieved some status amongst men of her world..I heard a slew of things from counselors, parole officers, judges, lawyers etc...The money isn't real, the power is liquid ...I mean like American Idol liquid...Not real Idols and definitely not real power there I'm certain..It's all liquid...So maybe false power or religion or what not are just forms of Pacifiers we use then throw out or maybe acquire new ones? The jury's still out on the matter for me..I guess when I think of my Dad having lost his young bride to that brain tumor..having been laid off of his profession a mere few years before retirement ensuing a roller coaster of events including losing his James family home, which to us was an oasis..I picture him nowadays sitting in his condo in Arizona down by the lake on the golf course and I say, "Is that what we get??" Did I struggle from almost nothing to almost something for that? Do I get out of bed for work everyday to go hit the time clock so that I too may end up in the desert 6 hours from my grand kids and sons and daughter?? I picture my dad looking at the TV guide on his flat-screen to see which ballgames coming on next...Last time I was out there to visit him a few months ago, I watched him scroll on his computer we set up so he can get more sports channels..I looked around and my Dad looked older...He sat in his chair and I asked myself could I do what he did for this???I sat back on his couch and watched time slow...I looked as he glanced at the time with no place to go..I fought emotion back as I looked over at my own beautiful wife..I put my head back, closed my eyes and reminisced on our past life..The sacrifices my Dad made for nothing more then the plight of GOOD...So today when I ask myself if I could..my answer is, I would!! I added a little rhyme for the definition of poetry as what it means to me..Poetry is more powerful then pistols, which was almost the 3rd word in the title of this blog but I felt like having a title that's up to date...Life's waiting to breathe again around here..Remember if you Believe you can achieve and be like him..I picture 20 yrs from now, me sitting in my Dad's chair on some golf course watching any game I want thanks to our vast world of technology...I picture my wife working in the garden, so maybe not the desert for us, but it makes me smile anyway...I think it's a great payoff..My Dad may not be where he wanted to be in his golden years but it could be way worse..It could be Victorville for Christ sake..Just kidding..well Kinda.
