THE AFTERMATH

I wrote a blog a few days or weeks ago then i told my brother it takes alot out of me to converse these feelings,these thoughts these memories...when i write i at times stop and delete it because i dont want the stories replaying in my head for hours or even days at times..when i read something good i remember it forever..like when i read about the main character in cacher in the rye sat in a museum exhausted after a journey through emotions finally fatigued by his life!! or when che walked his motorcycle when it wouldnt run because of one problem or the other?? or the little brother in aztec when he saw his sister in a display window for circus freaks!!! well hell i even remember when bathsheebas husband had to much love for his wife so he took his drunk ass to the porch and slept it off!!! i also remember hoe i felt when the princess turned peasant in pillars of the earth got thrown out of her own castle when the kingdom was overthrown!! and finally i remember when gesepe and his son hid in a hole with all their possessions melted into gold bars made into a belt to conceal their sole belongings when the soldiers turned their colony into chaos!!! so my point is that when i write these blogs they sometimes take weeks to push them to the back of my mind!!!the good talks are happily embraced and even missed when they become hazy!!however the stories of the past hurt me sometimes just as those events hurt more then myself back in those times!!!i rarely write about my mom or friends that iv'e watched be taken as if they were never here at all!!we as people comfortably put the things that make us emotional in a kinda of suspension retrievable when are hearts and minds can accept it!!so yes i dont blog often as id like i guess but thats only cuz my heart haswnt the walls i once kept it surrounded with!!!iv'e recently become engaged to someone who if you have met already i needent say more...all these things are emotional because of where we and i have come or gone or already been!! my mom wont be at my wedding and i missed my brothers wedding but he'l be here for mine!!i got out of prison a month or two late for some barely missed events..my little cellmate mikey got murdered 3 weeks before i came home..id just received a letter from him in which he stated brother i'l see you in three!!!he wont be at my wedding either!!he took two bullets to the head by a 14 yr old gangmember trying hard to foloow a path i helped lay!!its okay though cuz now i help divide that path!!!my first move in that chess game was taking myself out of the game first!!!next was to flood my sons thoughts with the choices and outcomes in life!!!i often think of my wedding day and i sulk for the people who wont be there!!!but then its okay because just think of the people that will!!! well im about to cook some fish and asparagus spears and maybe after that i'l relax...il absorb these thoughts n probably miss mikey but make a qiuck recovery thinking about all that i have!!!we make these choices and we deal with these outcomes!!it's just nice to write about things that leave a lovely aftertaste sometimes...its less of a beating on my heart!!!i always sign off with a witty conclusion so tonight won't be any different!! in that il just say this.. i walked by my sons room today while he was not aware i wa watching and he was doing a lil dance and inside i laughed but outside i got teary i remember when i was his age and even now!!sometimes you just dance!!! you celebrate life when you have a moment of freedom from stress and we DANCE!!!